Kamryn- I loved how you said “my narrative makes me unique from 7 billion other people in the world, ” I thought it was such an obvious statement but yet, I didn’t even think about it. I felt like it really made me look at my own narrative and see how my story is unique from others. I feel like the way you added quotes in between each paragraph break was a very creative idea to add a spacial factor to your multimodal aspect. Although, I found it to kind of exclude the quotes from your claims and not involve them into the conversation. Something I thought that you included that I found to be very helpful to the reader was adding the time frame of the idea you want the audience to listen to. Lastly, I think it would be a good idea for you to restate your claims into your conclusion paragraph to remind the reader of all the points you make within your paper. Also, it might be a good idea to add in a sentence or two to state what the lesson of this paper was. Such as what was the point of the audience even reading your paper? Overall I really enjoyed your paper, we shared a lot of the same opinions! I love how you consider your life to be divided into chapter because I do as well! Nice work!
Patrick- Something I really enjoyed about your paper was that you bolded the ideas that came from you, I thought it was very creative because it was almost like you were adding quotes from your own mind. I thought this was a very creative idea to add a great linguistic aspect to your multimodal paper. I really like your pictures as well as your overall flow of your paper too. I feel like starting with a young picture of yourself and then moving to a picture of you now as a real firefighter was like I was personally walking through your own life memories. Something I would change within your paper is your visual aspect. Your picture is great but I felt that because the pictures were placed in the middle of the page, it made it hard for me to read your paper without staggering. I feel like during the beginning of some paragraphs it would be an interesting idea if you added questions to introduce. For example, you could start with a question in your last paragraph and say “do you believe that we all have stories?” to include the audience and allow them to engage in your paper. You have a lot of really good quotes that help support your claim, although don’t forget to add (last name and # number) after the quote! Lastly, I in your conclusion paragraph I would add a sentence or two stating the overall lesson that your paper teaches the audience. Include what the purpose was of the audience reading your paper. Overall, I really enjoyed your paper, I felt like it allowed me to walk through your life experiences and I felt like some of our ideas connected to each other, we both take on the idea of kind of addressing a role model in our lives and how they helped shape and influence us to be who we are today. (Your Dad) Great job!
